So here’s what happened:
When I first started seeing my ex, we discussed the usual concerns; how many sexual partners, you you have children, have you ever been arrested. Imagine my surprised when he says yes, he has been arrested. Thanks to my experience with K, red flags were whirring all around my head. Also naturally curious, I asked what for.
Deadpan. … … …
Fast forward a few years to the memory I want most to share with you fine reader friends of mine.
That very same ex and I are still together and we are having a casual outing to Suson park on a bright spring day. If you have never been to Suson park, they have the usual play area, picnic crap, a lake where you can fish [ one for the kiddies too! ] and a path along the lake. Suson park is also known as Suson FARM. By farm I mean goats, ducks, geese (hateful, evil, spawns of satan), horses, cows and the occasional bull. Sometimes there are pigs and maybe a few peacocks. They also have chicken and turkeys.
It happened to be a day when all three of the children were with us and the Ex in question was walking with his son on the other side of the little red barn known to house chickens and other foul fowl. Lily was in her stroller content and wide-eyed as I pointed out to her the disheveled birds and the seemingly plucked peacocks. Upon looking down to see if there were eggs I could point out, I heard the distinct sound of baby cheepers. Not knowing if it were a chicken or a peacock, I glanced down and found myself straight in the eye of a very bright blue-eyed baby turkey. Imagine my greater surprise when I discovered that there were more. 6 more to be exact. Six baby turkeys. And Mr. Ex over on the other side of the farm was an admitted turkey fucker. The opportunity was just too good to pass up.
I immediately called him over in my angriest voice. The longer it took, the louder and the angrier I sounded. People were starting to stare. When he reached me, I was shrieking at a volume that the chickens were acting as if the barn were on fire. Wailing how betrayed I felt. How I thought he wasn’t that guy. Announcing loudly to anyone in a 50 mile radius how there was absolutely no way he would ever get out of this infidelity. Now I had Proof. Cheater - I screamed. People are flocking now. Can I turn on some tears? Damn right I can. The Ex still hasn’t entered the barn but his face is quickly reaching a point where he will soon blend into its redness. Our children are watching this entire escapade as well. Such a good example, am I.
Finally, he has me broken down in tears, still wailing at him about cheating when I furiously point to the baby turkeys and scream LOOK!
… … … silence
It takes him a few minutes, watching me right myself and wipe away my crocodile tears and now laughing hysterically, what I am pointing to. Then he sees them. Those sweet, innocent faces looking back at him. I stopped laughing long enough to ask him if he was denying paternity. By this time the people around us had realized the joke and ere absolutely roaring with laughter. See? This is why you should never let any opportunity pass you by.